Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sunday

How the hell did Sunday get here?

It's been another busy week at Chez MIA. A week peppered by storms, sick and injured small humans, and the usual pampering of pets.

Somehow, I missed out on gym - so much for the newer improved me I was hoping for in time for this month's Aussie Bloggers Conference. (And can I here, just let out a tiny Squee?! I cannot wait. New and improved me or not!)

However, I did manage to fit in a visit with a wonderful friend on the Gold Coast. We worked out we hadn't seen each other in oh, about 15 years. (Shhh...Don't calculate our ages please).

I hadn't met her hubby or kids, but they were absolutely delightful. My kids got on with hers, Zsa Zsa the toy poodle was made welcome, and we ate and drank like royalty. I was even treated to a sleep-in and breakfast in bed! Bliss ...

Last night, we enjoyed a barbie by the beach for dinner, despite the squalling rain. My mate's hubby was a trooper, braving the elements and doing something really tricky with foil to ensure the food didn't get wet. The kids DID get wet, much to their delight, as they tried to catch fish, sting rays and sharks with the popcorn chicken which was leftover from lunch. Lucky seafood.

We spent this morning back on the beach, and my friend even taught the kids how to correctly bait a fishing hook and cast. (My big brother spoiled me when I was a kid and always baited and cast for me. And took the fish off and cleaned it if I was lucky enough to catch one. So I loved that she didn't mind mucking in and doing the hard yards for me.)

I like fishing, I just don't like actually touching the fish or the bait! I know. That's a bit like saying you're a vegetarian except for bacon! Don't judge me.

Five or six fish were caught, and although they all had to be let go because they were on the tiny side, it didn't really matter. It was the catching of them that was the fun.

I'm using my weekend memories to keep me warm now, as I sit alone in a far too quiet home.

Yes, the kids went back to the Dad this afternoon, and handovers never get easier for me.

I hate this part of being a single Mum.

You'd think I would welcome the quiet and the time to regenerate - and to an extent, I do. But not without a constant physical and emotional yearning for my kids.

I walk in the house and resist the urge to phone them and tell them I miss them already. Because that wouldn't be cool.

I open the fridge, and see the leftovers of the last few meals I made them. Mumma's home-made lasagne;  their favourite duck soup. No little mouths to munch on it now.

I miss the happy little voices, their warm hugs, their cuddles, and fun. Okay I even miss the bickering!

At night, I pass their empty rooms, and it's weird to not go in to check they're sleeping soundly, or in need of  blankets and love. No sitting beside them watching them breathe, and marvelling that they are mine.

There is a physical ache, a dull drag in my stomach as I make do with a goodnight phone call, rather than a cuddle and a kiss, and perhaps, a story.

I know I am Bronnie, and I am more than my childrens' mother.

But tonight, it doesn't feel like it.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

TAKE A DEEP BREATH and feel all the negatives fall away Bronnie you are a GREAT Mum and Friend..XOXO Thinking of you, try n enjoy your alone time so you are super refreshed for when they are home under your roof again XOXOX N

Katrina said...

You are always their mother, even when they're not with you. Hang in there.

Annieb25 said...

Yep I remember that feeling only too well. It doesn't go away, they just get older and everything shifts slightly. I still miss my 17 and 18 year old when they go for a weekend to their dads, but the dull ache is different. They are no longer my babies who depend on me, they are adults. Thinking of you. xx

Karen Brooks said...

Oh sweetie... You're such a beautiful lady: friend, mum, writer and everything else. That hollow feeling doesn't ever really go, you just get accustomed to it and what it signifies: a great love that never fades. xxxx

Sarah said...

I just want to give you a HUGE hug. Which I will be able to do very soon. I can't imagine your heartache but I am keeping you in my thoughts. It sounds like your kids had an amazing time with you and so much of parenting is creating amazing memories. xxx

Denyse Whelan said...

Oh what a weekend..- now it's over ..and your memories of sights, smells and tastes shared with your kids linger. It is awful, this sharing of kids.. It happens with my grandchildren and step grandkids...but I know, like them, your kids know who Mum is .. And she loves them very much!
And I'm squeeing too.. See you at Aussie Bloggers Conference!! X

PlanningQueen said...

It must be very hard, I really can't imagine my house empty. I hope it eventually gets more manageable for you. Look forward to meeting you at ABC.

katrinamayb said...

Bronnie, I am feeling for you......you are such a terrific mum

Honey the Great Dane said...

Aw...I started reading this post with a smile, feeling like I was living your wonderful weekend with you - and by the end, I was feeling terribly sad & lonely too! Well, in addition to everything else you are, you're also a great writer!

I know nothing can really take the place of the kids but maybe you'll feel a bit better knowing that you have all your friends with you supporting you during the rest of the week.

Love,
Hsin-Yi

MaidInAustralia said...

Thank you all for your kind words of support and hugs. Yes, that started out being a happy blog but then it went where it went - as writing does - and as part of a journal of our lives, I wanted to keep it honest and leave it there. I had intended doing another Sunday Selections and Sunday Session post, but didn't have it in me after writing my post. But, as always, it was extremely therapeutic and it was wonderful to get your lovely messages. Thank you. xo

Dorothy said...

When my ex and I first separated, he had them over every second weekend and I loved the peace and quiet. After the turmoil of my marriage and the separation and constant drama, those weekends were like an oasis for me. I knew the kids were safe and I was OK. What I did miss were the family times. All of us together. Playing having fun.

He doesn't get to see them any more. My mum helps out by taking them overnight every second weekend and I cherish that time. The peace, the silence.

Btw, you are so fortuante to have such wonderful friends. Your time away sounded divine. Enjoy every minute...