Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wanky Wednesday

This post is totally brought to you by the nice people at Subway* who churn my tummy every time I hear their Wank You sub ad.

"Mum, what's Wank You meat?" asked C. I told him I there was $20 on the ground behind him, and then left him looking for it while I went off muttering something about making dinner. (C. is 10, so I suspect he knows only too well what a wank is, but gets his kicks from messing with my head.)

Anyway, I swear that's what they say on the advertisement for their latest creation, the Wank You Wagyu Beef sub. I wouldn't be asking for any creamy sauces to be added to that sandwich, if you know what I'm saying.

It's like Fuck Miss all over again.

Anyway, it got me thinking about other wanky things that have been pissing me off lately.

This list is not exhaustive, but it is an indication of how cranky I get when it's that time of the month people do wanky things that annoy me.

- Rihanna. I hate her nasally voice, I'm over her sexy lyrics and soft porn video clips, and it really pisses me off that I have to monitor the music I listen to and/or watch because I have kids. And what's with the little girl voice when she talks, but the big, brash supposedly sexy one when she sings? You can't have it both ways babe. (Or apparently you can and do, according to your lyrics). I actually quite like her music, but I'd like to see her show what she can do without using sex to sell it.

- The KFC Double, a burger that features two different types of cheese and bacon, and replaces the bun with pieces of deep-fried chicken. Who in the hell eats something like that? According to the ads, men do. Seriously? If that's true, it's no wonder men have a higher risk of heart attacks than women!
And don't even get me started on the (also KFC) ad that has a woman urging a mate to ditch her 'pigeon food' for popcorn chicken and gravy. With friends like that, who needs enemies? (And haven't we all had them girls?)
And KFC? The Month of Manfood idea sucks. Especially when you send 'VIP' emails to female customers. So you're saying we're fat ugly pigs who eat like men? That's when we're not eating pigeon food.
Yeah, way to get us to buy your product KFC. Not.

- Shane Warne. Not just for tweeting way too much information about his relationship with Liz Hurley and her bird, but for selling out to Maccas. Forget OUR kids, what the hell kind of message is a top sportsperson sending to his kids?

- Fake Facebook girlfriends. Really? It's not so bad to be single. I cannot believe that any self-respecting man with a pair of balls would be quite so needy. Am I wrong?

(And they say women are insecure...)
Thank God that not everything in life is wanky.

* Not really


Nicole said...

I saw the add for that burger for the first time yesterday. Who comes up with these ideas, it's just wrong.

I'm now going to think 'Wank you' when ever hear that add. I hadn't noticed it sounded like that until you pointed it out.

Unknown said...


I really like the word wank. It has so many possibilities. And yes, that KFC burger or what I like to call the five buck heartattack puzzles me. I mean you're hardly watching your carb intake if you're eating that shit anyway right? Wank wank xx

Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella said...

OMG I must listen to that Subway ad. Talk about awkward questions from unexpected sources!

Be A Fun Mum said...

OH MAN...that KFC thing is so gross...agreed...

diney said...

I must try that idea of telling my 11 year old there's a five pound note on the ground to avoid awkward questions or confrontational moments like 'what is wrong with Rhianna singing about whips and chains Mummy - what does she mean.." - yes, it drives me Wankless that she has to sell her music via sex and become another slapper role model. End of mini rant!

chopinandmysaucepan said...

hah! Can't agree more with you about Warnie's behaviour, big kid trying to relive a childhood :)