These are truths universally acknowledged, that when it is school run time, the following will occur:
No matter how early I get up in the morning and how much I prepare the night before, we will still only make it through the door, into the car and through the school gate on time, by the skins of our arses.
While Miss 8 will happily munch on eggs on toast, cereal, or fruit for breakfast; Mr 10 will announce there is nothing in this house that he wants to eat, and that he isn't hungry anyway. No amount of prompting will encourage Mr 10 to eat, even though I know he is hungry.
I will have two million and 20 socks, but none will match. My children will insist on only wearing socks which match perfectly, sparking a frenzied sock search, even though there were perfectly matched socks with their uniforms on their beds the night before.
Socks found, at the moment we need to get out of the door, Mr 10 will discover his shirt is missing a button. Miss 8 will reveal an urge need to do a poo.
Miss 8's poo time will give me just enough time to quickly sew on a button. (Aspie Mr 10 will not wear a shirt if it does not have all the buttons).
As we get downstairs, Miss 8 will suddenly realise she forgot to feed the guinea pigs, and I will have to coax her gently to the car with the promise that I will feed them later. (If I remember. Shhhh ...)
In the unthinkeable event that we leave at exactly the right time to get to school before the bell, we will hit major gridlocked traffic, that will make us late anyway. The teachers will not believe the traffic could hold us up for so long.
Five minutes after getting caught in gridlocked traffic, Mr 10 will announce he is starving, and can't we just quickly go through a drive through? I will refuse, and he will complain bitterly, and call me the meanest mother in the world.
I will turn on the radio to drown out Mr 10's moaning, but quickly turn it off when the presenters start talking about sex, or the latest nasal and/or oral-delivery system for premature ejaculation is advertised.
We will arrive at school, and discover that:
A. One of the kids has forgotten their homework, lunch, or important permission slip;
B. It's free dress day; or
C. It's a Pupil Free Day.
As I walk them to their classes, Miss 8 will reveal she has forgotten to put on underwear. Mr 10 will triumphantly show me he's successfully taken off his socks without me noticing.
Five minutes after getting home and sitting down with my first coffee of the day I will get a call from the school to say that:
A. Mr 10 told them I refused to give him breakfast, and he is starving;
B. Miss 8 has nits;
or C. One of both of them are sick, and throwing up violently in the sick room. Can I please come and get them as soon as possible?
When we get home, Miss 8 will be cross at me for forgetting to feed the guinea pigs, and Mr 10's lunch box will be untouched. He will complain bitterly that he is starving, and I didn't pack any food that he likes.
My coffee will still be untouched on the kitchen table.
Readers, are your school runs anything like mine?