Wednesday, May 25, 2011

This I know: (The School Run Edition)

These are truths universally acknowledged, that when it is school run time, the following will occur:

No matter how early I get up in the morning and how much I prepare the night before, we will still only make it through the door, into the car and through the school gate on time, by the skins of our arses.

While Miss 8 will happily munch on eggs on toast, cereal, or fruit for breakfast; Mr 10 will announce there is nothing in this house that he wants to eat, and that he isn't hungry anyway. No amount of prompting will encourage Mr 10 to eat, even though I know he is hungry.

I will have two million and 20 socks, but none will match. My children will insist on only wearing socks which match perfectly, sparking a frenzied sock search, even though there were perfectly matched socks with their uniforms on their beds the night before.

Socks found, at the moment we need to get out of the door, Mr 10 will discover his shirt is missing a button. Miss 8 will reveal an urge need to do a poo.

Miss 8's poo time will give me just enough time to quickly sew on a button. (Aspie Mr 10 will not wear a shirt if it does not have all the buttons).

As we get downstairs, Miss 8 will suddenly realise she forgot to feed the guinea pigs, and I will have to coax her gently to the car with the promise that I will feed them later. (If I remember. Shhhh ...)

In the unthinkeable event that we leave at exactly the right time to get to school before the bell, we will hit major gridlocked traffic, that will make us late anyway. The teachers will not believe the traffic could hold us up for so long.

Five minutes after getting caught in gridlocked traffic, Mr 10 will announce he is starving, and can't we just quickly go through a drive through? I will refuse, and he will complain bitterly, and call me the meanest mother in the world.

I will turn on the radio to drown out Mr 10's moaning, but quickly turn it off when the presenters start talking about sex, or the latest nasal and/or oral-delivery system for premature ejaculation is advertised.

We will arrive at school, and discover that:
A. One of the kids has forgotten their homework, lunch, or important permission slip;
B. It's free dress day; or
C. It's a Pupil Free Day.

As I walk them to their classes, Miss 8 will reveal she has forgotten to put on underwear. Mr 10 will triumphantly show me he's successfully taken off his socks without me noticing.

Five minutes after getting home and sitting down with my first coffee of the day I will get a call from the school to say that:
A. Mr 10 told them I refused to give him breakfast, and he is starving;
B. Miss 8 has nits;
or C. One of both of them are sick, and throwing up violently in the sick room. Can I please come and get them as soon as possible?

When we get home, Miss 8 will be cross at me for forgetting to feed the guinea pigs, and Mr 10's lunch box will be untouched. He will complain bitterly that he is starving, and I didn't pack any food that he likes.

My coffee will still be untouched on the kitchen table.

Readers, are your school runs anything like mine?


Rebekah said...

Oh gosh that gave me the biggest laugh thank you!

Our school mornings are normally pretty rushed and especially on the days that the youngest goes to kindy but I'm lucky we're in a pretty good routine now although at least once or twice a week I'll have an argument with my 5 year old about his choice of show and tell. He doesn't understand that there's certain things he just can't take.

nonoodle said...

OMG never! How do u do it??
Now I don't even have to do the school run as eldest son drives! OH bliss! sorry not being smug at least your life is interesting

Naturly said...

Add in the argument/fist fight to wake me up in the morning, asking/telling the girl (9) to brush her hair about 1.7 million times. Checking that the boy (11 - Aspie) has on CLEAN clothes, Underwear and hasn't any contraband in his pockets or bag..

Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella said...

I don't do a school run but my normal day is steeped in chaos so I don't think I'd fare particularly well on a school run! :P

Motherhugger said...

Ah. Most mornings I do two school runs. One or two kids need to be at band/music lesson/ dance group/netball training most mornings, so I drive there for 7.20 (mostly) or 8am, then home to walk the youngest (and maybe an older) to school by 9. Then they have after school activities as well. On Thursdays I'm at school five times. (Could do so other days too if I help in the classroom or attend a meeting.) Good thing we live close by!

Buzz said...

Haha Bronnie that read really well and unfortunately sounds like a standard day the country over. The food issues especially! We just had the nits too, fun times!

boomerang jane said...

Bahahaha touché my friend! What else can you do but laugh...and learn to enjoy cold coffee!

Blaire James said...

No offense but that was funny yet true.

It's never easy to take care of kids who are very smart yet irritating sometimes. But what can we do? We still love them. It's just a matter of letting them realize what's right and wrong and setting expectations with them. It doesn't happen overnight but I guess one or two attempts should do the trick.

Fox in the City said...

OMG, mornings always seem rushed . . . even when we are all up way before we actually need to leave the house.

Honestly, it is nice to read that others are rushing around like fools in the mornings!

Thea said...

I only have one child at school, but still have to get two ready. And we only live 5mins WALK from school, but yep...sounds the same minus the traffice chaos!
I have a boy who will often not eat breakfast, too. Maddening!!

PS Sometimes I leave a little too late in the afternoon for pick up, if I hear the 1st bell as I walk out the door...I have to RUN down the back lane! lol

Mrs Catch said... sounds all too familiar.

Lucy K said...

Yes, that sounds all too true. Though I did find - not just one, not just two - but three!!! pairs of matching socks in my laundry yesterday. Nearly wrote to the papers.
Good luck for future school runs!


OMG this is soooo us in the mornings. And now that the boys are catching the bus to school it still doesn't get any easier. But have found the love of Up&Go for my boys, the morning breakfast rush and not having anything to eat, I can convince them to have a glass with their medications and thankfully I feel like I have at least given them something in their tummies :)
Soooo you have a sock monster in your place too. I have a basket of "wishful thinking they will return" Now I am hanging them in pairs so when I remove them I am putting them together straight away and I now have this basket which I think I'm going to toss as they haven't found their partners, so out they go.
Good to hear that everyone's morning's are the same but thankfully we haven't got anyone sick here YET we are only at the beginning of winter, so heaps of time still left lol..
Have a good one Bron

Cathy said...

omg i wrote a very similar post last week for a blogging comp! I think all households share teh same chaotic routine in the mornings! Will publish it to my blog after comp ends :)

Cathy said...

voted for you in the top 50 bloggers comp as well!

Unknown said...

Thanks for all your comments. I'm glad to know we aren't the only ones to have frantic mornings. Yes Linda, Up and Goes will often work, and we sometimes make smoothies too. It all depends on what they haven't 'gone off' at the time. And thanks for the votes. xo

shae said...

I know any day we have to be out of the house by 10am I'm glad we home educate!