Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Trigger Alert: Resuming Normal Transmission


I haven't been able to blog for quite some time.
It hasn't been because of writer's block. (Or should that be blogger's block? Which sounds like something really unpleasant!)
In fact, it's been quite the opposite.
There have been so many things I've wanted, even needed to write about. This space is, after all, my place to share what is happening in my life, a permanent journal, a form of therapy, and also my way of documenting my pursuit of happiness.
However, now I believe that the eye of my own personal cyclone may finally have passed. In fact, I am confident enough to predict normal transmission will resume soon.
We all have had various health issues which have proved challenging and the GP surgery seems to be our second home. But hopefully we're getting to the bottom of issues now. For me, this will be quite literally, with tests, including a colonoscopy, scheduled for later this week. Yes, I should keep quiet about that or everyone will want one!


Since I last posted there have been birthdays, births, and much cause for celebration in our lives.
(Above: Going out with friends to celebrate my birthday. I also had a lovely surprise early birthday celebration which my sister organised with my family.) 
Said birthday was a 'big' one ending in a zero, and although I'd been dreading it, it turned out to be lovely thanks to a little help from my family and friends. Who said getting older sucked?


As a result I started 2018 feeling optomistic ...


However, sadly my elderly parents became more frail last year, and Mum's condition went downhill rapidly. She'd been bravely fighting leukemia and dementia for a long time, and she finally left this earth in February.
Mum suffered cruelly, and her death haunts me.
However, I'm grateful that my family and I were able to be there for her and Dad as much as possible, and that she is now at peace.
(Above: Mum and Dad on their last wedding anniversary together. And at the very top, roses from Mum's garden. Dad regularly cut fresh ones and took them to her bedside at her nursing home.)
Unfortunately, we have lost many other loved ones since I last posted, and dealing with the fallout from these deaths has been a work in progress.
Meanwhile, Dad has moved into a cottage, which has involved slowly emptying the house he shared with Mum, and readying it for sale. Sifting through memories, packing away precious pieces of family history, remembering forgotten parts of our childhood and stumbling on parts of the stories behind our parents' lives which we'd never been privy to.
It has been physically and emotionally draining, but rather special as well.
The milestones have begun, including our first Easter and Mother's Day without Mum, and of course, these will continue. But together, we will get through it, and as a very wise friend told me in the days after she died, I will be the strong woman and mother Mum raised me to be and attempt to set a good example to her grandchildren.
As I keep telling my wonderful children, life goes on. (No pics of them, because #teenagers.) Grief may not heal, but it gets easier to deal with. And it's okay to remember the good times, and to laugh and smile again. To live your best life.
My kids are, as always, my hearts, my inspiration, my everything. I've been so proud of them as we've navigated through this difficult part of our lives.


As usual, the pets always help us through, especially this one, @everybodyloveslucy, who always delights with her cuddles and antics.


And we've had a new arrival to our family, thanks to a kind friend. Meet Mr Guinea Pig. (Very original name!)

So now things are finally returning to a new kind of normal, posts should resume soon. 

It's time to laugh and live again and pursue that sometimes elusive happiness that teases so tantalisingly. 

Readers, how do you cope when the going gets tough? How do you reassure others, and yourself, that the sun will shine again?

If you or anyone you know is having trouble coping, please get help. You can contact:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au
beyondblue: 1300 22 4636 www.beyondblue.org.au  
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 www.kidshelpline.com.au
Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service 1800 011 046 www.vvcs.gov.au 



2 comments:

Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella said...

Sending you much love Bronnie. So nice to hear what you've been up to but I'm sorry to hear that it contains sad news about your mum. May she rest in peace xxx

Bronnie Marquardt said...

Thanks Lorraine. And no matter what our own personal beliefs are, it was really incredible to see how much comfort Mum's beliefs gave her, especially towards the end. It was a very spiritual journey. I like to think of her in peace now, pain and torment-free, and reunited with those she missed so much.